I'm every nightmare you've ever had. I am your worst dream come true! I am everything you ever were afraid of!

Clowns are the scariest people on earth, and they're coming for your valuables, your children and your sanity. But fear not, herein these pages is a proven four-step system to provide you with the knowledge you need to protect yourself: ASSESS, ANALYSE, DEFEND, PROTECT.

From instructions on how to defeat a clown in close combat and tips for spotting the plainclothes clown, to tutorials for fully clown-proofing your home against these painted and bewigged warriors, Chuck Sambuchino delves into the terrifying clown underworld to teach you what to do when clowns attack... because it's only a matter of time before they do.